since then, I've uncovered a few programs running in my background. one is desire for control. wow, what a big one. this program thinks fit to run the show most of the time. nobody cleans/grocery shops/organizes/plans/decides what's best for any given situation than me, right?! and then I complain or criticize if things don't fit my expectations. what a way to poison the mood for myself and those around me.
so, I've been working on that. I will be for a long time.
it's humbling to recognize how prevalent unconscious patterns are. it's frustrating to see them in other people, but that's really a defense. any time I'm irritated with someone - my partner, in particular, who is an amazing mirror for me (thank you) - I benefit from stepping back enough to non-judgmentally view the patterns that hook me into reactive and mindless behavior. quite the challenging task, and one I fail at regularly.
this year we offered to host thanksgiving again. I decided I would join my little one in her excitement to have family gathering at our house, and I would be grateful to have the space and resources to have too many people and too much food.
what a difference perspective makes. not only did I thoroughly enjoy having dinner here, but I joyfully did massive amounts of dishes while my big and little loves rested and played in the living room. I have so many things to be grateful for it would take all day to list everything. I so much prefer that attitude over complaining.
happy thanksgiving.
This post hit home for me on so many levels.
ReplyDeleteThank you for reminding of the choice to embrace situations or pull them apart with useless control issues. Wow. Ive failed a lot this year already. Try again tomorrow.